ENGLAND FOOTBALL MANAGER – LONDON (WEMBLEY – TRAVEL REQUIRED)

On Brand Republic jobs, this was posted:

“We are seeking a proven Club Manager / International Manager / Head Coach possessing that win-at-all-costs mentality to take up a high profile, public facing Football Management role with the national team.  Read on…

Founded in 1863 this award winning (Jules Rimet – 1966) football association head up all regulatory aspects of the game of football in England. Their aim is to deliver an effective and professional organisation for the greater good of English football.  A rare opportunity has now arisen to lead the national playing team on the eve of a major international tournament.

Reporting directly to the Senior Management team the England Football Manager will be at the very forefront of football decision making, whether it be selecting the first team for match day, performing team reviews (including disciplinary actions) or managing the expectations of a nation.  In more detail you will…

  • Succeed in a major international tournament (quarter finals or above).
  • Beat Germany.
  • Find a way of integrating experienced midfielders so they can perform together.
  • Implement a plan A playing formation (4-4-2, although others will be considered).
  • Implement a plan B playing formation (this should include penalties).
  • Work closely with Journalists to ensure brilliant positive PR is achieved.”

I decided I might be good for the job. This sport needs a woman’s touch I think. So I sent in my relevant CV:

CV for Rosie Milton

Name: Rosie Milton
Sex: Female
Age: early 20s

Summary

I used to play in goal for Dad in the garden when I was little. He always wanted a son to kick a football around so I did my best. He is a Chelsea fan so I have always supported Chelsea. I am a strong, independent woman who is down with the lads. I’m a leader but a team player too. I’m disciplined so there won’t be any bullsh*t when I’m in charge. I also like to think outside the box. If I was England’s Manager I would encourage more people to enjoy the sport by holding ‘Understanding the Offside Rule’ classes.

Specialities

Being bossy
Woman’s touch
Enforcing a no spitting rule

Experience

Playing football with my dad
2002-2004

Watching football games
2002-Present

Going to a football match
(last ever game at the old Wembley Stadium, we lost to Germany)

Education

UCL
MA, History of Art, 2009-2010
(There was no football on this course but perhaps I can change that in my new role)

Finger’s crossed I’ll get it.

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